IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Films and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have negative effect on society and should be banned. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#films #computer #games #violence #people #effect #society #relaxation
In
this
 modern era, technology plays a vital role and made our life easier, but at the same time, the negative impact is Increasing simultaneously.
People
 are more interested in seeing
films
 and playing
games
 which affect a negative impact on society because of violent content. Some
people
 convince that they are part of the relaxation,
while
 others reject
this
 notion. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate more detail and
thus
 lead to a logical conclusion. First of all, many teenagers spend time involved in entertainment
games
 and
films
 to get rid of boredom.
However
, most
games
 and
films
 are more likely related to violent content which affects human mentality.
For instance
,
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 horrible murder incident that happened in Delhi
is shaken
Change the verb form
has shaken
show examples
 the entire world, the victim told
while
 investigating that idea got from the murder's film. Another factor to consider, many
people
 are interested to play
a violent
Correct the article-noun agreement
violent games
a violent game
show examples
games
 by killing other
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
virtually.
As a result
, in real
life
Add a comma
,life
show examples
 more chance of
people
 are more aggressive. Needless to say, all these points stand in good stead.
On the other hand
, these types of
games
 and
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
 are
considering
Wrong verb form
considered
show examples
 as
ultimate
Correct article usage
the ultimate
show examples
 fun of entertainment. Violent
games
 allow us
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 to play with
group
Add an article
a group
show examples
 of
people
.
In addition
, we can learn
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
leadership and helping
tends
Correct your spelling
trends
show examples
 skills from these
games
. Another positive outlook in
this
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 is that violent
films
 and
games
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
key
Add an article
a key
the key
show examples
 tool for relaxation.
Moreover
, we can release all our
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
show examples
while
plays
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 these
games
.
Hence
, it's apparent why many
people
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
 favour of
this
 trend. In recapitulation, there are some merits of
games
 and
films
 but the negative consequence cannot be ignored.
Submitted by dhivyaravi0396 on

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  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • empathy
  • aggressive behavior
  • normalization of violence
  • explicit content
  • mature audiences
  • societal well-being
  • content restrictions
  • fictional violence
  • stress relief
  • personal consequences
  • outlet
  • pent-up emotions
  • censorship
  • freedom of expression
  • artistic expression
  • storytelling
  • parental guidance
  • negative impacts
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