IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some commendators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encouraged to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

#commendators #grandparents #children #grandchildren #people #arguments #debate #conclusion
The tradition of joint family is mitigating rapidly in
this
moderanized
Correct your spelling
modernized
 world and individuals choose not to live with the old people of the house.
Nevertheless
, many families prefer to have their
grandparents
 under one roof. I still believe to live in a home
having
Correct word choice
and having
show examples
grandparents
.
To begin
 with,
faster growing
Add a hyphen
faster-growing
show examples
 world has introduced the generation gap
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household relationships.
For instance
, old members
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the family tend not to agree on the use of many
technlogical
Correct your spelling
technological
 advancements and revolutionized cultures.
This
 results in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unnecessary arguments causing bitterness in the bonds
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 grandkids and
grandparents
.
Moreover
,
due to
 globalisation, most of the clans move to urbanized localities,
while
 senior members do not prefer to leave their original living place. On the flip side of the coin, aged family
memebers
Correct your spelling
members
 are the building blocks of a
perticular
Correct your spelling
particular
 family. Living with them
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 happiness and
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of togetherness. Their experience of
life
 can teach many fruitful things to
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generartion
Correct your spelling
generation
generations
such
 as dignity, way of going through personal and emotional hardships, gratefulness and mental
stasbility
Correct your spelling
stability
 which today's adults are lacking in. Admittedly, old people face many medical complications and traumas and
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of situations make them mandatory to be
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 care of by their blood relations. Senior individuals sacrifice their whole
life
 for their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 to provide them with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 upbringing and required facilities. So, it becomes evident that we should pay their debt off in their time of need by sharing a single roof. At
last
, nuclear families are more demandable considering the pace of
life
 but having
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
grandparents
 in the family adds many more reasons to be happy. It is
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
show examples
 hard to tackle mental pressure in
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
life
, having someone old and
vatern
Correct your spelling
veteran
 in your family will always be a great mental strength.
Submitted by amarvir66 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: