IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

#people #strain #health #care #system #education #lessons #school #curriculum
The number of
people
 who are overweight is increasing dramatically day by day, and
as a result
, it puts more pressure on the healthcare system. The majority of
people
 consider that one of the ways to address the issue is to implement more physical education classes in schools. I utterly disagree with
this
 statement
due to
 some reasons
such
 as healthy nutrition and psychological factors
however
 it is apparent fact that physical education is significant for our lifestyle. First and foremost one of the leading causes of obesity is a lack of proper physical activity. Individuals living a sedentary lifestyle are more likely to be obese which in turn causes some diseases
such
 as high blood pressure, diabetes, and infertility.
According to
 the information given by The World
Health
 Organization and other authorities that for good
health
, adults ought to get the equivalent of two and a half hours of physical activity each week. Children should get even more, at least one hour a day.
However
, Obesity usually occurs when a person makes it a habit to consume more than the required quantity of food. The number of McDonald's KFC and similar other restaurants are running up in almost all countries of the world.
According to
 the survey conducted among the population who spent time in these types of restaurants since they tend to eat ready meals which is the opposite of healthy eating. İn addition, Emotions
such
 as boredom, nervousness, anger and stress impact eating habits in certain
people
. These
people
 increase their food intake as a response to these negative emotions. All in all, Obesity is a serious
health
 problem that gives way to many other major
health
 issues. It can be prevented by following healthy eating habits, and regular exercise.
Submitted by qubadbeylilahe on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: