IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. to what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts
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Nowadays public think that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 spending more
money
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 on the
arts
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considered
Add a missing verb
is considered
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as
Change preposition
apply
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a waste of
money
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.
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 do agree with the statement, Art is not essential for everyone's living there are so many other elements that
Government
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 should focus on.
First
Add a comma
,First
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of
Correct pronoun usage
allof
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 ,
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
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 should consider our health, education and the economy. There are so many
community
Change to a plural noun
communities
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 still uneducated and so many are struggling for daily food, so they should spend
money
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 on
this
Linking Words
 kind of
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
. First
government
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 should bring more public schools and need to provide free education for students, those who are
under
Change preposition
apply
show examples
low income. In
current
Correct article usage
the current
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 ,world Education is very important.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
,Secondly
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 Health is
also
Linking Words
 more important for Human Beings.
A
Correct article usage
The
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 number of Public Hospitals are very less,
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people
Correct word choice
and people
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 who are below the poverty level cannot afford Private hospital fee, so many are dying because of a lack of
money
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,
Government
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 are responsible for
this
Linking Words
. The solution for
this
Linking Words
 disaster is more Public Hospitals and Give Free treatment. Art is good, it gives Entertainment,fun and Happiness but These are enjoying only
Middle-class
Change preposition
by Middle-class
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People
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 or high-class
people
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. Low-class
people
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 don't have enough
money
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 to
spending
Change the form of the verb
spend
show examples
.
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Government
Add an article
The government
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 spends
money
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 on the
arts
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 and
also
Linking Words
 they will Charge a fee for most of the
Arts
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programme
Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
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. So in my point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 it is a waste of
money
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, there is no Equality only a few are Entertating with
Arts
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 rest of them is Struggling with their Life. Spending
money
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 on above mentioned points is much better than spending
money
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 on the
arts
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, That will Give more happiness and life to the Majority of
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by anjualex444 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
Look at other essays: