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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this? How it can be addressed?

#doctors #countries #people #exercise
In recent years, doctors started being concerned by the small amount of time the population dedicates to physical exercise.
This
 essay will examine the possible factors that led to
this
 situation and plausible ideas of how to cope with it.
To begin
 with, it is consistent how today's everyday life changed from the past, all of the most popular pastimes require sitting,
for instance
,
such
 as watching television, scrolling on social media and so on.
Furthermore
,
also
 a large spectre of common jobs now constrain people's mobility, with 8 or more hours of working looking at the monitor of a computer and sitting on an uncomfortable desk chair,
while
then
 coming home there are too many chores to complete to have enough time to practise some sport.
In addition
,
this
 trend is exasperated
with
Change preposition
by
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 the large spread of the concept of smart working that started
from
Change preposition
during
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 the pandemic some years ago.
Moreover
, advancements in technology have made it easier to travel during the day,
although
this
 could seem an improvement since it helps to save time, another point of view could be that
this
 prevents from exercising more by travelling by bike or simply taking a walk. Many experts are trying to find ways to encourage the average adults to be more active and it is not an easy task. In my personal opinion, more hours in the workplace should be dedicated to doing sports together, both to increase workers' health and as a bonding activity.
In addition
, practising together organising,
for example
, some group classes open-aired to having a fun and healthy way to hang out with some friends.
Submitted by matilderestelli.work on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic and examines both causes and potential solutions, it would benefit from a more detailed and structured response. Try to elaborate on the causes and solutions with more specific examples, statistics, or studies where applicable.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates clear ideas and logical organization. However, it could benefit from a more distinct conclusion to summarize key points clearly. Ensure each paragraph directly supports your thesis and connects seamlessly to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that outlines the issue and what will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your ideas are logically structured and the paragraphs flow well from one to another.
task achievement
You have addressed both causes and solutions, which shows a comprehensive approach to the problem.
task achievement
The essay shows a good command of language and clear articulation of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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