IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people are concerned that children spend too much time on computers playing games, chatting and watching videos but all this time is actually good preparation for children, who will have to spend many hours working on computers throughout their education and their working lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #time #computers #games #videos #preparation #hours #education #lives
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Due to
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 advancements in
the
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apply
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information
technology
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, a major shift can be observed in the educational and workplace environment.
According to
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 some people's opinion, youngsters sitting on their laptops or computers most of
their
Change the word
the
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times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 will help them to get used to it because
in
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,in
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 the future, it will be beneficial in their studies and work-based
life
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. I agree
to
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with
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this
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upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 some extent but there are some adverse effects on
childrens'
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children's
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 physical and mental development. To commence with, in today's world of
technology
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, nobody can deny the pivotal role of technological devices in our
day to day
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day-to-day
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life
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.
Therefore
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, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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parents are in favour of juveniles spending most of their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 on these devices because
this
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 will help them to get used to the
technogy
Correct your spelling
technology
 based
life
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 which they are going to face in the near future. At the same time,
this
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 sort of mental development is possible if
kids
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 practice educational and mental
acrtivities
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activities
 on these devices rather than playing video games, watching entertainment content
etcetra
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etcetera
.
For instance
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,
kids
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 involved in video games at the early stage of their
life
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 show less interest in their educational stuff as compared to
the
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youngsters who involve themselves in better technological activities.
Moreover
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,
extra
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the extra
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 use of
technology
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 can alter the mental and physical development of children.
For example
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,
kids
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 involved in online gaming and cartoon watching seem to have lesser interest in physical activities and sports which is necessary for them.
Therefore
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, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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kids
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 suffer from obesity, diabetes and poor eye vision at the very early stage of their
life
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 which is totally unacceptable.
Childern
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Children
 should have good health, physical fitness and mental stability for
the
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a
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 glorious future.
At
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Last
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Linking Words
last
Add a comma
,last
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i
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I
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 would like to say that
the
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apply
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technology
Use synonyms
 is good for mental progress if used in a proper way and
physical
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the physical
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 and mental progress of a kid should be taken into consideration.
Submitted by amarvir66 on

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