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Band 4

In some societies the number of crimes committed by teenagers is growing. What are the reasons for this trend? And what possible solutions could reduce this issue?

#societies #crimes #teenagers #trend
It is undeniable that offences committed by young adults are on the rise in our societies. Society as a whole could be blamed for
this
 vice being experienced.
This
 essay will seek to discuss
provide
Correct word choice
and provide
show examples
possible
Add an article
a possible
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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 for
this
 issue.
Firstly
, I believe society as a whole plays a crucial role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 how children are brought up. And, seeing
such
 issues of crimes propagated by teenagers reflect badly on us as a whole. That being said, the rise of crimes associated with
teens
, could be
due to
 idleness, most
teens
 do not have any activities lined up to do after school or on holidays, it's important for both parents and school teachers
provide
Fix the infinitive
to provide
show examples
after school
Add a hyphen
after-school
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 activities
such
 as sports, clubs which will keep them busy and at the same time
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
 some skills and help them build character.
Also
,
family
Add an article
the family
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 conflict has contributed greatly to
spike
Correct article usage
the spike
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 in crimes
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
teens
.
According to
 National guidance and
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
 for young adults, 40% of children from divorced or broken family
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
show examples
engage
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in one form of crime.
This
 could be
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of support and
also
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of any role models for these
teens
 and
thus
 engage in
such
 vices as a form of
cry
Add an article
a cry
the cry
show examples
 for help.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 technology has been hailed to have improved our lifestyles, it has
also
 been reported to have a negative influence on these young impressionable individuals, who are easily swayed by what they see on video games and
also
 on movies and are willing to act out what they see. To sum it up, introducing crime prevention programs in schools, guidance and
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
 and offering good role models will go a long way in
curving
Correct your spelling
curbing
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 crime.
Submitted by wanjalahope14 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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