IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children as young as right own a mobile phone nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

#children #right #phone
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Currently, with the advancement of automation, youngsters
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become using
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
. There is no denying the fact that the main impact of the
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 is arguable.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both arguments in detail. There are some people who argued that the benefits of having a
phone
Use synonyms
 at a young age considerably outweigh its disadvantages. public often say that youngsters might need to communicate with their family in
an emergency situations
Correct the article-noun agreement
emergency situations
an emergency situation
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, owning a
phone
Use synonyms
 might allow
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 at
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age to contact their parents and inform them directly as they are more prone to some issues like
steeling
Correct your spelling
stealing
show examples
and raping. Indeed,
it is clear that
Linking Words
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
children's
 required to have a
phone
Use synonyms
 in order to talk to their family about a disastrous situation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of disadvantages, giving a mobile device
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 can distract them and affect their performance at school.
For instance
Linking Words
, a prestigious journal recently published an article showing that 80% of
kids
Use synonyms
 who own a
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 have
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades
show examples
 in most of their school lessons.
In other words
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 devices can cause distraction and confusion for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
cell
Add an article
the cell
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 has many programs and games that easily disrupt
Use synonyms
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
show examples
 attention. In short,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 phones affect
kids
Use synonyms
 negatively as it makes them perform worse at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. In conclusion,both arguments
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 merits. On balance,
however
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the advantages
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the
demirts
Correct your spelling
demerits
.
This
Linking Words
 is because
kids
Use synonyms
 are more vulnerable to kidnaps or any difficult case which required them to directly ask for
help
Add an article
the help
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their family.
Submitted by mgumssan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: