IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Although countries with long average working hours are economically successful, this often has some negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Despite nations with demanding
work
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 schedules often achieving robust economic growth, the subsequent social implications cannot be ignored. I completely agree with the notion as the consequences that follow underscore the need for a balanced approach that prioritizes both economic achievements and societal well-being.
Firstly
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, prolonged periods of labour can lead to physical and mental fatigue, which in turn can increase the risk of stress-related illnesses and burnout.
Additionally
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, it may lead to a culture that prioritizes
work
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 over personal relationships and leisure activities. Resultantly, individuals find themselves struggling to strike a harmonious balance between professional and personal spheres, potentially steering to strained relationships and diminished
overall
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 quality of life. Japan’s notorious culture of overwork, known as “karoshi”,
for instance
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, has been associated with severe health issues and even premature deaths among employees, highlighting the stark consequences of prolonged
work
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 hours on individuals’ well-being.
Furthermore
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, excessive focus on
work
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 can hinder social interactions and community engagement, leading to feelings of isolation and detachment. In societies accustomed to prolonged
work
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 hours, the pursuit of personal ambitions might overshadow collective interests, weakening the sense of solidarity and shared values.
For example
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, the reduction in community participation and civic engagement observed in countries by rigorous
work
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 cultures can impact social concord and hinder the development of a supportive and interconnected world.
Moreover
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, diverse job options, notably in sectors with continuous operations, address various skill levels, curbing unemployment.
This
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 enhances social cohesion, providing equitable chances for broader socioeconomic progress. In conclusion, I firmly concur that the toll of extended labour on individuals’ physical and mental well-being,
as well as
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 its potential to erode interpersonal bonds, employment, and community engagement, underscores the significance of cultivating a balanced approach to labour dynamics.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that every paragraph clearly relates to the central idea of the essay, and transitions between paragraphs should be smoothed out.
task achievement
While you have a clear position throughout the essay, remember to address the contrast by discussing both the economic success and the negative social consequences in balanced measure, and perhaps provide a brief refutation of the opposing perspective.
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