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Writing Samples
Band 5

the amount of time spend on sports and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight childer ? do you think this the best way to deal with the problem? what other solutions can you suggest

#amount #time #sports #exercise #schools #childer
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The best way to overcome the problem of excessive weight in
children
 is to expand the amount of time spent on
sports
 and
exercise
.
However
, a
child
's diet
also
 plays an important role in weight loss. In my opinion,
sports
 and
exercise
 in schools are the best way to overcome the issue.
In addition
, parents need to take care of what their
child
 is eating on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
.
Firstly
, schools that concentrate equally on both studies and
sports
, have many advantages.
such
 as students having high energy throughout the day, and performing better in their studies.
for example
, in a
school
 that does not let
children
 play, or
exercise
 in
school
, students will not show interest in going there. and, because of no
sports
children
 may not know about their capabilities. namely, few
children
 may be good in a specific sport but because of no time in
school
, they might not be able to know that so, it's a complete loss on both sides
school
 and
children
.
Secondly
, apart from
sports
 and
exercise
,
food
 has a major role in gaining weight. nowadays
children
 often eat fast
food
 which leads to obesity and other diseases.
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 illustrate, a
child
 consuming junk
food
 on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
 has a high level of sugar and cholesterol.
thus
, it leads to being overweight. parents need to observe what their
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 eating and provide them with a good amount of nutritious and protein
food
. In conclusion, schools need to add more time to students' schedules for
sports
 and
exercise
. and,
food
 plays an important role so it needs to be taken care of by parents.
Submitted by dasarisaikrishna95 on

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coherence cohesion
Please ensure that your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and directly relate to the topic. Your introduction should introduce the topic and your opinion, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and opinion.
task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt and presents relevant ideas. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the prompt, providing a more thorough exploration of potential solutions other than just focusing on sports and exercise.
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