IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

the amount of time spend on sports and exercise should be increased in schools in order to tackle the problem of overweight childer ? do you think this the best way to deal with the problem? what other solutions can you suggest

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The best way to overcome the problem of excessive weight in
children
Use synonyms
 is to expand the amount of time spent on
sports
Use synonyms
 and
exercise
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, a
child
Use synonyms
's diet
also
Linking Words
 plays an important role in weight loss. In my opinion,
sports
Use synonyms
 and
exercise
Use synonyms
 in schools are the best way to overcome the issue.
In addition
Linking Words
, parents need to take care of what their
child
Use synonyms
 is eating on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, schools that concentrate equally on both studies and
sports
Use synonyms
, have many advantages.
such
Linking Words
 as students having high energy throughout the day, and performing better in their studies.
for example
Linking Words
, in a
school
Use synonyms
 that does not let
children
Use synonyms
 play, or
exercise
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
, students will not show interest in going there. and, because of no
sports
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 may not know about their capabilities. namely, few
children
Use synonyms
 may be good in a specific sport but because of no time in
school
Use synonyms
, they might not be able to know that so, it's a complete loss on both sides
school
Use synonyms
 and
children
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, apart from
sports
Use synonyms
 and
exercise
Use synonyms
,
food
Use synonyms
 has a major role in gaining weight. nowadays
children
Use synonyms
 often eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 which leads to obesity and other diseases.
to
Capitalize word
To
show examples
 illustrate, a
child
Use synonyms
 consuming junk
food
Use synonyms
 on
regular
Correct article usage
a regular
show examples
bases
Fix the agreement mistake
basis
show examples
 has a high level of sugar and cholesterol.
thus
Linking Words
, it leads to being overweight. parents need to observe what their
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 eating and provide them with a good amount of nutritious and protein
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, schools need to add more time to students' schedules for
sports
Use synonyms
 and
exercise
Use synonyms
. and,
food
Use synonyms
 plays an important role so it needs to be taken care of by parents.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Please ensure that your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and directly relate to the topic. Your introduction should introduce the topic and your opinion, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and opinion.
task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt and presents relevant ideas. Make sure to fully address all aspects of the prompt, providing a more thorough exploration of potential solutions other than just focusing on sports and exercise.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: