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Band 4.5

Crimes and other kinds of information on the television and newspaper have bad consequences. This kind of information to be restricted to be shown in media. To what extend do you agree or disagree.

#crimes #kinds #information #television #newspaper #consequences #media
It is often argued that affluent
nations
 have the responsibility to support the less fortunate ones by providing essential goods and education. I strongly agree with the idea.
However
, I believe we must only reach out a helping hand to an extent so that we can avoid accidentally making them become more dependent and economically weaker for
these
Correct determiner usage
the
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 following reasons
First
Add an article
The first
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 reason is that wealthy
nations
such
 as England, Russia and The United States
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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already have a strong foundation of
economy
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the economy
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 thanks to their abundant resources and pleasant living environment, which is suitable for their citizens to develop and thrive. And yet, if we take a look at the less developed ones, we can easily identify the factors why they are still behind even with plentiful natural resources. It is because their habitat is not ideal for their citizen to settle,
there
Correct word choice
and there
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 are many frequent natural disastrous events which keep happening.
For instance
, despite possessing some natural
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
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,
nations
 from Africa are still struggling to provide their own citizens with basic essentials
such
 as clean water, accommodations and health care.
Second
Add an article
The second
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 reason is that I believe it is an ethical and moral obligation for the superpower
nations
 to reach out and contribute financially
in
Change preposition
to
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 building schools,
Correct word choice
and health
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health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
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 facilities and
deliver
Wrong verb form
delivering
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 healthy food as we are all the same
people
, the same human race living on the same planet. Watching others suffering and ignoring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 in need only
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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human beings become morally worse.
For instance
, China is a very powerful and well-developed
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 country and it is helping other Asian
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
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such
 as Laos and Cambodia to overcome their difficulties
Although
/
however
, in my perspective, in order to be effective in aiding countries in need, we must bare in mind that it is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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essential to provide the necessary tools and facilities
such
 as schools, factories and hospitals and not the money as it might make them rely too much on others and not work for themselves. Even worse, they can become
economic
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an economic
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slave
Fix the agreement mistake
slaves
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 for superior
nations
 All in all, in order to build a better world for everyone to live in, we must join hands to help and provide those
people
 in the poorer countries to thrive so that there are no longer
people
 who suffer from the lack of health care, food or education
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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