IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Children should learn
history
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because there are a lot of insights brought by
history
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. The local past events can lead students to be more like with their culture;
however
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, I think that global
history
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 will bring more messages
due to
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 the cultural differences. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why world event is more important to be taught in school. Nowadays, schoolchildren are more likely to forget their own traditions
due to
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 modernization.
Although
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history
Use synonyms
 is a subject in their curriculum, it is not their favourite one. The national past events will make the children realize how their ancestors had tried so hard to give a better life for their offspring;
for example
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, Indonesian independence heroes. The story of how they fought, struggled or even died will become an ignition to build nationalism among the student.
Furthermore
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, our children will have a better vision for our country's future.
However
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, there is no doubt that world
history
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 is
also
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 important to be learned. The different ways of thinking will increase the critical thinking of pupils,
thereafter
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 world has so many heroes that have good character.
For example
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 Abraham Lincoln, the US President
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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removed the racism between

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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