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Band 4

You can not everyone in the world that needs help,so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#world #communities #countries
Some
people
 argue that we are not responsible
helpings
Change preposition
for helpings
show examples
 other
people
 and
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 only thing we should be worried about it is our own society. I completely disagree with
this
 view because I believe every
lives
Change to a singular noun
life
show examples
 matter and
moreover
, trying to solve other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 problems can enhance the communication between them.
i
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I
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 take the view that there is no difference between any of us and we cannot separate
people
 just because of their region. we must help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every single person who needs to
be support
Change the verb form
support
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it is noticeable that all
people
 are the same and we all feel
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pain in the same way
thus
 it is an unethical thing to subordinate our own society to other
people
. It is important and necessary to help others as much as we can. Many
people
dont
Correct your spelling
do not
 have their first needs in other parts of the world and we can not
denied
Change the verb form
deny
be denied
show examples
 their pain
cause
Correct word choice
because
show examples
 we are all humans and we feel the same. The other reason is that
countries
 need to have good communication with each other so when a country
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is in an emergency situation it is a wise thing to help them and solve their problem as much as we can.
people
 in every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
 should be with each other and be concerned about the issues which
people
 might have in difficult periods of time and without any
doubt
Add a comma
,doubt
show examples
 it would increase the amount of friendship and
dicrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
the number of wars between governments and societies.
To sum up
, it is unacceptable to be just concerned about our own society because of the fact that all
the
Change the word
our
show examples
 lives are important and the same, and there should be a good relationship between
countries
 by helping each other.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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