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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#believe #technology #gap #people #answers
People have the view that recent technology is widening the bridge between the well-to-do and poverty-stricken people,
whereas
 others dispute
this
 fact. Of late, the world has turned into a technologically advanced one.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 it is surprising that not all individuals have adjusted to
such
 changes. People have the view that the rich have embraced
this
 improvement,
whereas
 the poor have not. Certain individuals believe that these modern changes have increased the gap between the rich and the poor.
However
, some
also
 dispute
this
 fact.
Although
 some citizens are against
this
 idea, I strongly agree that there is a drastic gap between the privileged and the less privileged.
This
 essay will elaborate on both views
as well as
 make my opinion well-known.
Firstly
, we are in an era, where 99.9% of the rich have access to phones, not any other phone but smartphones making accessibility to the internet simple. Most job vacancies are advertised on social media
such
 as Facebook, Instagram etc.Now one may ask, how will a poor man without a phone see
such
 an advertisement and apply? So definitely, the well-to-do group will be the one to occupy
such
 space.
Moreover
, technology has brought about robotic machines.
Therefore
 the wealthy owners of manufacturing industries employ the service of
such
 a robot to the detriment of the poor. Monies supposed to be used to hire and pay the necessitous are now used to service the robot.
This
 machine works unstop for the wealthy making them richer and richer. In conclusion, I believe modern innovation is greatly raising the bridge between the poor and the affluent in that, all the advertised job vacancies are directed to them through the internet.
Submitted by yahayasonde2 on

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task response
Your essay includes relevant points that address both views. However, more specific examples and a balanced analysis of the opposing view can enhance your response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat clear, but the introduction and conclusion can be further developed to provide a better overview of the essay. Use transition words and cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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