Many people today are worried about cyber crime such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does cyber crime cause andd what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and business to take?

#people #cyber #crime #identity #theft #andd #business

It is true that

cyber

Correct your spelling

cybercrime

show examples

crime

has become a

contriversial

Correct your spelling

controversial

issue these days. I want to write about an example that cyber

crime

can cause when it happens to kids and I believe there are solutions to tackle

this

problem. First of all, we need to consider when they are targeting young

people

, especially teenagers.

For example

, let's imagine there is a kid, whose phone was hacked. Criminals know his secret and they are blackmailing him. Because he wants to hide that information from others, he won'

tell anyone that he is in danger, not even his parents. Adults can usually handle

this

kind of

problems

Fix the agreement mistake

problem

show examples

better. They might go to the police office or might get help from their friends. But, unfortunately, children wouldn'

be able to tell if it's a

crime

or not.

As a result

, even worse things can happen

such

as suicide or depression. Once our information is hacked, I don'

think there are many things we can do as individuals.

However

people

should think before they decide to do something. If someone is asking for a huge amount of money saying that they have your son. They shouldn'

withdraw money and send it straight away. They have to call the police or get help from

people

around them.

Furthermore

, in terms of business actions, companies should take

this

crime

way more seriously. Usually, identity thieves target big companies

instead

of normal

people

Therefore

, they have to put more budget

Change preposition

into

show examples

this

area, hiring more

people

or buying a secure programme. In conclusion, I think online

crime

is hard not to happen in

this

modern world. Both companies and individuals should make an effort to prevent

this

crime

Submitted by dob.jeong on Tue Nov 19 2024

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task achievement

Your essay addresses the topic and provides relevant examples, but try to cover two aspects of the issue more broadly, i.e., not only the impact on individuals but also implications for businesses.

task achievement

Ensure all points in your essay are well-supported with evidence and clear reasoning to strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay flows well from one point to the next, but transitions between ideas can be smoother.

coherence cohesion

Ensure all paragraphs are clearly and logically linked with appropriate linking words or phrases.

coherence cohesion

You successfully introduce the topic and conclude with your perspective, maintaining a consistent focus throughout.

task achievement

Your specific example of the consequences of cybercrime on children adds relevance and depth to your response.

coherence cohesion

The essay mostly maintains a logical flow, with a coherent structure from introduction to conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people today are worried about cyber crime such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does cyber crime cause andd what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and business to take?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In many countries large amounts of foods are wasted. Why do you think people waste food in this way? What can be done to reduce the amount of food thrown away?

The increasing number of individual vehicles has been a difficult issue in every country for some time. Simultaneously, using one's car in traffic causes many drawbacks to our lives. Therefore, I will elaborate on it in the following paragraphs.

Many museums charge for the entries while others are free. Do you think the advantage of charging people for admission for museum outweigh its disadvantages.