Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

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Introduction

Nowadays, many

people

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think that

money

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is important, and

this

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is an essential factor in promoting happiness.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand,

money

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can solve any problem and help in a difficult situation.

Furthermore

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, necessary things for life

also

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cost a lot of

money

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. For someone, happiness is shopping, for other

people

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collecting expensive cars,

also

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, some

people

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prefer to travel for enjoyment.

People

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can realize these things if they have cash.

For example

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according to

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an Oxford University report, the most successful

people

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live in the USA, Germany, and France. The reason for

that is

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a high salary. So,

this

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fact about

money

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is true.

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

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, if humans have

money

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but do not have friends or family to spend

money

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with, those humans cannot achieve joy fluently.

Furthermore

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, some humans prefer to achieve joy just by watching films and eating snacks, or doing what they like.

For instance

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according to

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Cambridge University

students

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student's

students'

show examples

interviews, 67% of them already succeed and continue to live with happiness without enough

money

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. All of them have their ways to live with satisfaction.

Conclusion

To sum up

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money

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is not always important.

Also

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, pupils cannot live without finances. So, we need to use all of these ways to accomplish pleasure.

ina1_95

Feb 13, 2023

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

207 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Promoting happiness
Essential factors
Financial stability
Material wealth
Personal fulfillment
Contentment
Basic needs
Maslow's hierarchy of needs
Social connections
Pursuing passions
Well-being
Mental health
Spiritual practices
Personal growth
Community service
Societal contribution
Philanthropy
Joy
Satisfaction
Prosperity

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Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

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