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Writing Samples
Band 6

Air pollution is the most important concern of many countries. What are the main causes and effects of this issue?

No one can deny the fact that
air
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pollution
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 has become an increasingly hazardous problem, and
this
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 issue has engendered a great deal of controversy among experts in
this
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 field. It is generally believed that traffic has a number of reasons that need to be investigated.
Also
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, there are some
effects
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. As a matter of fact,
air
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pollution
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 has a number of reasons, two of which will be explained here.
Firstly
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, the most important reason is the emissions from heavy industries.
For example
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, CO2 is made of coal, oil and greenhouse gas. Humans
burn
Wrong verb form
burning
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 fossil fuels to achieve energy without paying attention to that will become the main cause of
air
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pollution
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 by making a lot of carbon dioxide.
Secondly
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, some human activities can be the reason.
For instance
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, they cut down trees for making stuff
such
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 as paper.
Also
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, when everyone is using their own cars more gases will be in the
air
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.
Also
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, people replace forests with factories, which increases the quantity of carbon or harmful gases. Turning to
effects
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, there are some impacts two of which will be mentioned here.
To begin
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 with, the most noticeable effect of
air
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pollution
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 is global warming.
Air
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pollution
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 will increase the temperature which leads to melting water and ice cubes all over the world.
Furthermore
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, people experience a wide range of health
effects
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 from being exposed to
air
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pollution
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. The long-term
effects
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 of
air
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pollution
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 can
last
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 for years or for an entire lifetime. They can even lead to a person's death. Long-term health
effects
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 from
air
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pollution
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 include heart disease and lung cancer.
Moreover
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,
air
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pollution
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 can
also
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 cause long-term damage to people's nerves, brains, kidneys, and other organs.
To conclude
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, in today’s
fast paced
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fast-paced
show examples
 and industrialized world, more and more
air
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 is being polluted. I believe that humans play an important role in terms of
air
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pollution
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the causes and effects of air pollution. This provides the reader with a roadmap of what to expect in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the transitions between your ideas to enhance the flow of your essay. This will help readers follow your arguments more easily.
task achievement
Examples could be more specific and detailed. For instance, consider citing specific countries or statistical data related to air pollution to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on the causes and effects more comprehensively. Each point could be explained in a bit more detail.
coherence cohesion
Revisit your conclusion to summarize the key points more effectively and to emphasize the significance of addressing air pollution.
task achievement
The essay identifies relevant causes and effects of air pollution, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Some good examples have been provided, such as emissions from heavy industries and health effects, which show a thoughtful consideration of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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