IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that we should invent a new language for international communication. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #language #communication #outweigh
In
this
fast paced
Add a hyphen
fast-paced
show examples
life
, the health of today's individuals has
deterioted
Correct your spelling
deteriorated
 remarkably. I completely agree with the above notion and my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
 with relevant examples will
substantiated
Change the verb form
substantiate
be substantiated
show examples
 in the impending essay. There are enormous reasons why
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the current unhealthy and inactive lifestyle has damaged the physique and psyche of mankind. The key factor is that
people
 have become workaholics in their rat race
after
Change preposition
for
show examples
 material possessions and
as a result
 do not have time to prepare healthy food
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 even to exercise.
Furthermore
, whole foods require time to prepare;
however
, processed or ready-to-eat foods are being consumed which are definitely unhealthy. As per a survey conducted by New York Times,
for instance
, more than two-thirds of employees who had a desk job had gained weight
due to
 lack of movement. Another major reason,
moreover
, is
ghe
Correct your spelling
the
taste factor. Given the choices of steamed
brocolli
Correct your spelling
broccoli
 versus macaroni and cheese,
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
baby carrots versus potato chips, or an apple versus a candy bar, most
people
 would choose the latter simply because it tastes better. The mushrooming growth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast food outlets
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 made them affordable and easily available.
Finally
, perhaps, the most significant reason is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of awareness that obesity caused by
such
 a
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 is not just one disease; it has many other deadly diseases like diabetes and hypertension associated with it. To cite an example, in a recent study done by
American
Correct article usage
the American
show examples
 Medical council, more than four-fifth of
people
 who were
over-weight
Correct your spelling
overweight
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
diagonised
Correct your spelling
diagnosed
 with diabetes.
To conclude
, the above discussion makes it evident that medical problems of
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 age are truly
due to
 one’s dormant
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. If
people
 are made informed about the ill effects of
such
 a
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 and motivated to make some lifestyle modifications
then
 surely it will make a big difference.
Submitted by parthbhatt260992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: