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Band 5.5

Some people think that schools do not do enough to teach young people about how to look after their health . To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #schools #health
Growth
Correct article usage
The growth
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 and development of pupils in every sector of learning
relies
Change the verb form
rely
show examples
 on academic institutions. There are different categories of subjects which are being taught in
schools
 and one of the highlighted ones are science and maths. Some critics believe that the importance of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle is not being taught efficiently to the students ,
while
 others deny
this
 notion . I completely disagree with the given statement and will
futher
Correct your spelling
further
 elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
 opinions.
Firstly
, it is a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 fact that every school
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasises
show examples
 the significance of science and its role in life. To
further
 elaborate my point , there are various chapters in science subject that teaches teenagers about
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 body
such
 as
digestive
Correct article usage
the digestive
show examples
 and reproductive systems to understand the basic concepts. Most of the
schools
 encourage to
brought
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
healthy food and have started fines
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 bringing junk food .So , in
this
 way
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle is promoted by institutes.
Secondly
, the extracurricular
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 in
schools
 play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in maintaining
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of the students.
For instance
, there is a specific period in every school for sports, dance , art and craft. Sports enhance the physical growth and power of the pupils,
whereas
 dance and
art work
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
 boost the learning skills
as well as
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to express emotions and creative thoughts.
Hence
,
due to
such
 reasons , the statement is not favourable. To recapitulate, the significance of health is effectively understood and taught by
schools
 these days.
However
, some changes could be done by the local higher authorities in
schools
 to longer the timings of extracurricular task periods and
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 subjects in order to enhance
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy and peaceful life.
Submitted by shubhamshubi1999 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Health education
  • Curriculum
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Diet
  • Exercise
  • Mental health
  • Hygiene
  • Practical skills
  • Responsibility
  • Collaboration
  • Long-term benefits
  • Reduced healthcare costs
  • Academic performance
  • Well-being
  • Comprehensive health programs
  • Positive outcomes
What to do next:
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