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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Boxing is a blood sport which often results in physical injury. It is inappropriate for this sport to exist in the modern age. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Few
individual
Change to a plural noun
individuals
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 finds that boxing is regarded as
blood
Correct article usage
a blood
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 sport which seldom consequences in physical body damage. Personally, I disagree with the statement that it particularly focuses on violence and
crime
Use synonyms
sydication
Correct your spelling
syndication
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on the view and provide anecdotal evidence to prove the arguments. On the prime view of
this
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 argument,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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large proportions of sporters survive with Residual Concussive Symptoms. To be more specific, boxers could have
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
suffer
with
Change preposition
from
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 diverse factors
such
Linking Words
 as dizziness, headaches, loss of concentration, memory issues etc. To cite an example, in 1930, the
wel-known
Correct your spelling
well-known
 champion, Frankie Campbell,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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tragically died against Max Baer in the
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
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 championship.
Thus
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, boxing can only encourage chronic violence outside the ring, which has
power
Change the article
the power
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 to destroy individual life and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
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 imposed
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
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 their loved ones too.
Furthermore
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, boxing
also
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 influences
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 syndications. Sporters get exploited by promoters and boxing managers, which is unworthy
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their future
endosements
Correct your spelling
endorsements
endorsement
. In the other words, Fighters are easy targets for the
crime
Use synonyms
 syndicate.
Moreover
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, financial exploitation plays a crucial role in boxing competitions and their income totally
depend
Change the verb form
depends
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 too much on
Correct article usage
the fights
show examples
fights
Change noun form
fight's
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 outcome.
For instance
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, in 1800, in
world
Add an article
the world
a world
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 championship, Jimmy Doyle died in
boxing
Correct article usage
a boxing
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 competition and his family suffered
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 unemployment.
Lastly
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, I recommend that
boxing
Correct article usage
the boxing
show examples
 association must follow strict rules and regulations
under
Change preposition
in
show examples
ring
Add an article
the ring
show examples
.
To sum up
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, boxing game leads to violence,
crime
Use synonyms
 syndication and physical body damage.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I still disagree with the view. Meanwhile, critics and boxing
association
Fix the agreement mistake
associations
show examples
 must
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 of
rules
Correct article usage
the rules
show examples
 and should provide advanced precautions for fighters.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • blood sport
  • physical injury
  • inappropriate
  • modern age
  • violent
  • serious injuries
  • civilized
  • dangerous
  • sporting activities
  • promoting health
  • well-being
  • encouraging violence
  • culture of aggression
  • harm
  • alternative forms
  • combat sports
  • safety
  • skill
  • banning
  • regulating
  • protect athletes
  • unnecessary harm
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