IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extant do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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A huge number of research in different subjects has occurred from a long time ago up to now, so
according to
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 some, it could be better if scientists mostly effort to enhance the quality of human
lives
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. In my opinion, I agree that scientific research should focus on the improvement of people's well-being and the rapidness of their activities.
To begin
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 with, I strongly believe that the most essential purposes of investments and discoveries must concentrate on human health and life expectancy. Take
for example
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 medicine, plenty of explorations have been done to find some reliable treatments for a variety range of illnesses. Researchers in
this
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 field,
also
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, spend a lot of time detecting suitable vaccines to survive. Another point to consider is that there have been several studies in the technology scope which have led to doing activities more quickly and efficiently. What
this
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 means is that a large number of researchers and inventors try to develop more facilitated equipment and machines to better people's
lives
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. Despite
this
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, some people argue that some scientific experiments have been done to recognize the universe more carefully.
For example
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, studying space, other galaxies and planets focuses on understanding the beginning moment called the Big Bang.
However
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, in my opinion, the major goals of a large number of studies which have been occured to identify the world are related to mankind's
lives
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.
In other words
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, space is discovered accurately
due to
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 finding the ability of life in the other parts of the universe. In conclusion,
although
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 science has several goals, the most vital aim is to prevent mankind from dangerous illnesses, to improve the quality of their
lives
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 and to find alternative habitats all over the cosmos.

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coherence cohesion
The essay is mostly structured in a logical way. However, clearer and more distinct paragraphing with topic sentences to introduce each main idea would improve readability and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the thesis statement could be clearer in both. The intro should articulate the opinion more distinctly, while the conclusion should reiterate it more forcefully.
coherence cohesion
While main points are presented and supported, they could be enhanced with more detailed examples and a more thorough exploration of how science can directly improve human life.
task achievement
The response addresses the task, but you could achieve a higher band by expanding the range of ideas considering both sides of the argument more fully before concluding. Try to ensure all parts of the task prompt are addressed equally.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, but you would benefit from providing more comprehensive explanations and exploring the counterarguments in greater depth to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided, yet they lack specificity. To improve, draw on particular studies or statistics that offer concrete illustrations of science improving lives or how research aims at broader understanding lead back to human benefits.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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