Some people use social media to keep in touch with Other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this technology outweigh the disadvantages.

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There is no denying the fact that the main purpose of social media is debatable. Some communities argue that social
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network
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networks
show examples
may help in keeping societies in contact and update them with the new
informations
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information
pieces of information
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. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I am going to examine
this
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question from both points of view and
then
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explain my opinion. There are people who argue that the benefits of
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Correct article usage
the internet
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internet
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Internet
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community considerably outweigh it is demerits. The main reason for believing
this
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is that social
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platform
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platforms
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may increase
populations bond
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population bonds
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and
makes
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make
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them feel more social.
For instance
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, the social
webcite
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websites
can help immigrants to see their families
virtualy
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virtually
even though their relatives live in another part of the world.
Therefore
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, Using social
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network
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networks
show examples
may help
public
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the public
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to not feel alone. Indeed,
this
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makes it clear that social
platform
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has many positives to people's
life
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lives
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.
On the other hand
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, others believe that the use of social
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network
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networks
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may
cause
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be
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more harmful to societies. populations often have
this
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opinion because
social
Add an article
the social
show examples
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platform
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platforms
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may increase
distaction
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distraction
and
prevents
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prevent
show examples
people
to perform
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from performing
show examples
their jobs effectively. To illustrate, a prestigious journal article published a study
stated
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stating
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that 50% of teenagers who use the
internet
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on
regular
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a regular
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basis tend to fail in their exams.
Moreover
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,
on
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in
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long
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the long
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terms
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term
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, networkers
becomes
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become
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addictors
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addicted
to social
webcites
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websites
.
Thus
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, it becomes apparent that social
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platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
might cause more harm to the population. In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
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, I feel that the demerits of social
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network
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networks
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outweigh the merits.
This
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is because
the
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of the
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negative impact on
the
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apply
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internet
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users which resulted in
internet
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addiction and neglecting the main job tasks.
Submitted by mgumssan on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear topic related to the main idea. Connect ideas more effectively to improve coherence and cohesion.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Make sure your ideas are fully developed and relevant to the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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