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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors.

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island, according to a survey of visitors.
The pie charts compare eight different drawbacks and benefits of Bowen
Island
Use synonyms
 , which
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 measured in percentage . Generally speaking , most visitors think that the main disadvantage of the
Island
Use synonyms
 was the living cost .
Whereas
Linking Words
 , for the advantages ; it was the people of
enclave
Add an article
the enclave
show examples
 . To be specific , 50% of guests think that
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 expense of living was the worst part of
Use synonyms
Island
Correct article usage
the Island
show examples
 .
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
a quarter of tourists assume , it was the entertainment activities in that place . Meanwhile , for 15% and 10% of foreigners , it was
weather
Correct article usage
the weather
show examples
 and food quality of
Use synonyms
Island
Correct article usage
the Island
show examples
. Moving forward to the advantage side of the reef . It can be seen
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
most
tourist
Change to a plural noun
tourists
show examples
 commented that the citizens and
sceneries
Fix the agreement mistake
scenery
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
Island
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 excellent .
By contrast
Linking Words
 , a minority of guests give a reason that the culture (12%) and accommodation facilities (11%)
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the main benefits of the
island
Use synonyms

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words island with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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