IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly, but most patients do not follow an exercise routine. Why do you think this happens? How can people be encouraged to exercise regularly?

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Daily exercises are recommended by a majority of health professionals as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 directly
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 in maintaining a healthy weight. Even though adults are encouraged to engage in exercises in a regular manner, many fail to follow a routine. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will elaborate on the reasons behind their failure to adhere to an
exercise
Use synonyms
 schedule and the measures to encourage their engagement in the above-mentioned activities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as age increases elderly population are more prone to multiple illnesses.
For instance
Linking Words
, if an obese adult with osteoarthritis is suggested to perform various high-intensity workouts, he will be reluctant to stick with that schedule for the long term because of the severe joint pains and limited mobility. So,
exercise
Use synonyms
 regimes must be tailored considering one’s age, sex, daily schedule and other comorbidities
thus
Linking Words
, making
exercise
Use synonyms
 time a pleasant experience for them resulting in better engagement.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the sedentary lifestyle and lack of knowledge about non-communicable diseases do not push people to be active.
For instance
Linking Words
, if adults are well-educated regarding how few lifestyle modifications can reduce their risks of obtaining cardiovascular diseases like angina and hypertension drastically, they will be more inclined to include those changes in their lives. So, if nutritionists and health practitioners can educate the community regarding the long-term benefits of exercises
such
Linking Words
 as strengthening their vitals and reducing acquired diseases, the public will pay much attention towards including these practices in their day-to-day
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion, despite the doctor’s recommendation many adults fail to maintain a proper
exercise
Use synonyms
 regime
due to
Linking Words
 their fragile nature and lack of knowledge about benefits.
However
Linking Words
, these can be changed by proper education and personalised workout plans.

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Task Response
Ensure a more balanced focus on both reasons and solutions throughout the essay. It's important to dedicate equal attention to why older people don't exercise regularly and how they can be encouraged to do so.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on developing clearer connections between ideas in paragraphs. Using linking phrases and ensuring a logical flow from one idea to the next would enhance the coherence of the essay.
Task Response
Incorporate more specific examples to reinforce your points, particularly in the solutions section. Adding specific strategies or programs that have been effective could strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through your arguments effectively, contributing to overall clarity.
Task Response
You have clearly identified the reasons behind the lack of adherence to exercise routines and suggested solutions, which indicates a thoughtful approach to the task. This reflects well on your task achievement capabilities.
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