In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits. What is your view of the relationship between equality and personal success?

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits #success

People

do have different opinions about how to achieve the successful, some think that

equality

in the workplace or in every part of life is paramount,

while

others argue that

this

is not really essential. I personally believe that

equality

are matter that I will discuss

further

in the essay.

To begin

, there are many reasons why

equality

is essential. The first stronger one is more chances.

This

is particularly important because no matter the age, social status, region, and gender

people

are, they do have a chance to get a job or change to develop their skills.

For instance

people

in Indonesia nowadays, especially more females play an important role in big companies and in politics,

this

is a good improvement compared to the past.

Furthermore

this

change is not only good for females successful in their careers but

also

could help inspire other females to do the same. The other related reason for

equality

that gives more chances to gain success is more

ideas

. In the other words, those who work with different

people

and backgrounds could easily solve the problems. To illustrate, a company that hires

people

from several places

such

as urban cities, sub-urban, and remote areas,

this

company will obtain more

ideas

for instance

how to gain profit from different places, because they have their own regional representative.

Thus

, having more

people

from different backgrounds could

also

gain more

ideas

and more importantly again successful. In conclusion, even though,

people

have several viewports about

equality

in order to elevate personal success, I do believe that

equality

is essential

due to

getting more chances and

ideas

to access the successful.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Wed Feb 15 2023

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

274 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In many countries children engage in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable experience, important for learning and taking responsibilty. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence.

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