IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays in many countries the proportion of older population is higher that of younger people. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #proportion #population #people #development
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 is most popular
that
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 younger
people
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. The positive
impact
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 for the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 is lots of experience,
while
Linking Words
 the negative
impact
Use synonyms
 is lack of power for doing some activities. The large number of elderly inhabitants in a
country
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 has the advantage because
lots
Change preposition
of lots
show examples
 of experience in their
life
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.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, they have lived longer than young
people
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, and
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 already feel many good and bad experiences
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Afterwards, they could put their experiences into practice directly, and it can be more productive.
For example
Linking Words
, In Japan
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 lot of average
population
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 is older as much
35,38
Change preposition
as 35,38
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 which makes them develop faster in economic fields.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the
country
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have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many elderly
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
inhabitants could give
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
impact
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the negative influence of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 of parents in a
country
Use synonyms
 is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of power for doing some
occupation
Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 as
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get older their physical strength will decrease. What
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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results
Correct article usage
the results
show examples
?
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
 when
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do
activity
Add an article
an activity
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 can feel more tired from their
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
 or
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 mind.
For instance
Linking Words
, In Indonesia have many old residents than younger
people
Use synonyms
 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 time to solve a problem
such
Linking Words
 as providing assistance to others
takes
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 longer and the results of the problem are not effective in the
issue
Change the verb form
issuing
show examples
country
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
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, there are some positive
impact
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 and negative
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impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 of lots of elderly
population
Use synonyms
 in the
country
Use synonyms
 like
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 have many
experience
Change to a plural noun
experiences
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the issue
also
Linking Words
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 negative
Use synonyms
impact
Fix the agreement mistake
impacts
show examples
 like lack of power. Where possible, the
country
Use synonyms
 should balance the
population
Use synonyms
 between elderly and younger to develop
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 of some issues for becoming better in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by muh.yassirullah on

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