IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Many people think modern communication technocommunicationlogy is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree ?

#people #communication #technocommunicationlogy #effects #relationships
Thanks to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
top-notch technological innovations, particularly the Internet,
people
 can easily communicate together.
However
, it is sometimes stated that
this
 cutting-edge communicative way badly impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social relationships. From my perspective, I partly agree with
this
 assumption. In terms of advantages, I believe the obvious one is
connection
Add an article
a connection
the connection
show examples
 with distant friends,
relatives
Correct word choice
and relatives
show examples
. Using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social platforms like Facebook, Telegram, and so on
is enable
Change the verb form
enable
show examples
people
 to send
Add an article
a message
show examples
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 or make a call
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their friends or
relative
Fix the agreement mistake
relatives
show examples
 wherever they are, which is very convenient. What’s more, the users can make new friends who have the same hobby,
Correct word choice
and interest
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 as theirs.
People
 especially teenagers sometimes feel more safe and
satisfied
Correct quantifier usage
more satisfied
show examples
 when
talk
Change the verb form
talking
show examples
 to their online relationships about their school work or any daily stories.
Furthermore
, they can call for help with their homework.
However
, I
supose
Correct your spelling
suppose
 that
this
 innovative technology has adverse effects as well. There are still numerous
people
 connected to users on purpose. If the users
too
Replace the word
to
show examples
 trust
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them, they can be
exorted
Correct your spelling
exploited
 for money or even asked for having sex with them.
In addition
, having online relationships,
people
 may ignore those
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they meet
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 like their mother, brother, grandparents, etc. Taking all the reason into account, I assume that the modern communicative way have both positive and negative on social relationship.
Besides
,
people
 should be more alert to avoid these drawbacks.
Submitted by bttha.qn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: