Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, most
children
are busy playing video games on their smart devices. This
essay focuses on the reasons for this
particular behaviour and how it affects the child's both
mental and physical condition in a negative way.
The first reason that came to mind, is that the new technology is not only accessible but Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
easy to understand and work with. So comparing working or studying with playing video games or surfing the net, it is clear that
there is no need for concentration or hard work when you are using technology. In other words
, everyone enjoys working with their smartphones because it does not take a lot of energy, especially when we are talking about children
. Furthermore
, in comparison to playing a sport or playing an Xbox game, the Xbox game is definitely much more interesting than engaging in physical activity.
Personally, I believe that these new devices have had a bad influence on our children
due to
the following reasons. Firstly
, it is a time-consuming activity, for instance
, people do not notice the passing of minutes when they are surfing the net, so basically it is a waste of time. Secondly
, in that case, they will not go around hanging out with their friends as they used to before, so they will become anti-social teenagers in the future. In other words
, they will be lacking social skills. Moreover
, not only it harms
their mental health, as mentioned earlier, Wrong verb form
harm
it
is Correct word choice
but it
harmful
to their body, Rephrase
also harmful
for instance
, some experts claim that staring at the smart device's screen for long hours is damaging to the eyes. In addition
, it may result in insomnia. Lastly
, if it has a negative impact on children
, it means that it is bad for society because in that ,case the future society will fail due to
its irresponsible, lazy and unhealthy citizens.
In conclusion, most children
spend hours on their smartphones due to
several reasons. I am totally convinced that Change preposition
for
this
is a negative development so the amount of time they use their phones should be limited by parents or guardians.Submitted by Vaniatbt11 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph supports the main idea and follows a clear organizational structure. Use transition words and cohesive devices to connect ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, provide a clear position, and support ideas with relevant examples and explanations. Make sure to fully develop each main point and consider both the positive and negative aspects of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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