IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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It is noted that some
people
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 like to spend more
time
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 in their workplaces and little
time
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 for relaxation concerns.
This
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 essay will develop some merits and demerits of
this
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 trend. As far as I am in the favor of latter notion.
To begin
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 with, the benefits of working more
time
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 on the job to earn good rewards and live a wealthy life. To explain it, Spending more
time
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 on work could achieve overtime and promotion which help to make ends meet and live with updated amenities
such
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 as a better house, new generation car etcetera.
Moreover
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,
this
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 trend could assist
people
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 in old age by getting a pension or reimbursing the insurance's instalments.
Thus
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, Working long hours could support
people
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 to live a joyful life. Shifting toward the demerits, Why leaving a bit of
time
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 for leisure tasks could be harmful to individuals. Because it could not only create conflicts among families but
also
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 deteriorate health by not doing physical activities. To clarify, If
people
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 give less
time
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 to their loved ones, it is not possible to understand them well. which can create conflicts and home situations can be worse.
On the other hand
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, many health issues could emerge by not doing daily physical activities, which could be the route to chronic diseases
such
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 as Obesity, Diabetes etcetera.
For instance
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, a survey carried on in India, revealed that many marriages fail
due to
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 not providing enough
time
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 to the partners and next they raise the obesity issue by sedentary exercises because they generally spend more
time
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 in offices.
Therefore
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, Working lengthy
time
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 in workplaces is not in
people
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's favour. In conclusion,
Although
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 there are some benefits of spending more hours
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the office which assist them with good rewards and live luxury life, the drawback could be more serious than the benefits
such
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 as family fights and health problems.
Submitted by mandeepsinghsony2022 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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