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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some say the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#say #purpose #education #individuals #society #ambitions
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These days, a growing number of
people
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 are facing a dilemma over the goal of
education
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. Some
people
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 believe that
,
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apply
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 knowledge could make
individuals
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 donate more to the public,
while
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 others think that
education
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 would let
people
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 access their dreams more easily. On the one hand, when a person receives an
education
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,
then
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 that person has the duty to give back to
society
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. To be specific, receiving a qualification of
education
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 enables
individuals
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 to have the necessary skills and knowledge to enter the career place
that is
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 essential for the basic functioning of
society
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. One living proof is that the doctors and teachers, both directly contribute to the well-being and development of the community through their specialized training.
Additionally
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, a
society
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 with a high level of
education
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 could be optimistic, as
people
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 know how to take responsibility for their jobs.
On the other hand
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, as the institution receives money from the consumers, they have to cater to the requests of clients. And when
individuals
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 are able to pursue their own goals, they tend to be more motivated and usually bring some extra benefits to the public. As it does in the case of
people
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 who aim to set up a company, they have to know how to run a company clearly. And
this
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 is on the basis of
education
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. The establishment of the new company not only generates employment opportunities for workers but
also
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 concurrently contributes to societal welfare. In conclusion, I believe that
education
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 should ideally find a middle ground between letting
individuals
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 be valuable to
society
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 and helping them fulfil their personal ambitions.
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task achievement
To improve your essay, consider providing more specific examples and expanding on your arguments. Also, make sure your sentences flow smoothly by varying sentence length and structure.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by using more transitional phrases and conjunctions. This will help your ideas flow more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views of the topic and provides a balanced opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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