The graph below shows how money was spent on differentforms of entertainment.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

The bar chart illustrates that people who lived in Asia, Europe, United States spent money on cinema, video, music, publishing and television over five years period.

Overall

Linking Words

, it is obviously clear that the US citizens spent more money on joyful activities in both years

while

Linking Words

more budget was allocated to publishing

while

Linking Words

Asian people had less entertainment than others during the period.

To begin

Linking Words

with, 257

billion

Use synonyms

dollars

Use synonyms

had been spent for enjoying life by US individuals including more than 100

billion

Use synonyms

dollars

Use synonyms

for publishing and 100

billion

Use synonyms

dollars

Use synonyms

for television in 2000. Not only in 2000 but

also

Linking Words

in 1995 they allocated money around 184

billion

Use synonyms

dollars

Use synonyms

for entertainment when compared to the other two nations.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, in 1995 Asian society's 67

billion

Use synonyms

dollars

Use synonyms

; two times lower than the US budget in 1995, was dedicated to all five forms of entertainment and it was approximately doubled in 2000,

whereas

Linking Words

it was two times lower than the US. In Europe, 97

billion

Use synonyms

dollars

Use synonyms

and 131

billion

Use synonyms

dollars

Use synonyms

were spent on those activities in 1995 and 2000 respectively.

However

Linking Words

, all nations were more likely to watch television and publish at given times

in contrast

Linking Words

to other forms.

Submitted by piyumi545rashika on Wed Feb 15 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words billion, dollars with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

197 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It's a common phenomenon that many people end up in careers or jobs that they dislike or are ill-suited for. There are several reasons why this often occurs, and the consequences can be quite significant.
8.5
band
some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. to what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is commonly believed that social networking services have significantly damaging effects on both individuals and the community. In my viewpoint, I partly agree with this statement, whereas I would argue that there are also a number of benefits in this field. On the one hand, social media can be a threat to our health and children's social circle. According to the latest survey, more than half population overuse electronic devices to check applications, such as Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter, which may lead to various eye problems. Myopia caused by blue light or eye strain caused by overuse of phones is a salient example. Furthermore, since it is less likely to be able to sift information online, it is easier to learn inappropriate behaviours and make strange new people on online platforms. For instance, the young tend to use Instagram to get to know strangers, whether they are good, which could influence the normal quality of making friends. Therefore, these platforms indeed bri...
6.5
band
An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?
Many service-oriented professionals from underdeveloped or developing countries migrate to developed ones for employment. Indeed these situations cause a brain-drain in their home country. These problems can be solved by the government by recognizing their valuable work and providing them with good pay.
5
band
Some people believe that allowing children to make their own decision on everyday matters (such as food, cloth and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.
Although it is sometimes thought that decision-making by children on their daily issues probably leads a community to focus on personal desires, some people are of the opinion that children need to decide about things that have impacts on them. Personally speaking, I would say that if younger people make decisions on their own, they are predicted to be more selfish when they grow up.
5
band
An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?
Recently, many children are overweight, which leads to their health problems. Outweigh in children is most often associate with several factors such as poor diet, a sedentary lifestyle and psychological factors. This essay will examine the reasons and solutions

The graph below shows how money was spent on differentforms of entertainment.

Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?