IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays it is constantly argued that more money should be allocated for educational purposes
instead
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 of recreation and play. From my perspective, I agree that these aspects are equally important and the expenditure should be evenly distributed to them.
This
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 essay will analyze them with a conclusion. On the one hand, it is inevitable that responsible governments fund general education and allocate money for constructing academies for several reasons.
Firstly
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, allocating budgets for building schools in suburban areas will encourage many young learners to go to the institutes.
For instance
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, in Sri
Lanka
Add a comma
Lanka,
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 there are so many countryside institutions which have few amenities for teaching and learning
whereas
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 some organizations have helped those academies improve their facilities. From that positive effect, every child can learn in educational institutes without any squalls.
Secondly
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, if the growing number of schools are subsidized by the governments many children can get an opportunity not only to learn but
also
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 to finish and even tend to pursue tertiary education.
On the other hand
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, some funds that have been put into play and recreational activities
also
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 show a positive impact on society in general.
Firstly
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, funding for art programs plays a vital role in enhancing the public conscience of an issue, and if the authorities fund art exhibitions, historical-cultural programs, and traditional arts, the young generation
also
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 can learn and preserve them
as well as
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 show a considerable role in one nation.
Furthermore
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, if the governess put efforts
to enhance
Change preposition
into enhancing
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 the infrastructure of the sports, the players can win the whole world with their acute sports abilities and it would be a great lure to the country.
For example
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, in India and Australia funds are given to the cricketers and they have many stadiums with more facilities. So they have a good outlook towards Cricket.
To conclude
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, public funding should be equivalently sponsored in both fields, sports and education because each of them
act
Verb problem
plays
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 a pivotal role and
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 society in a different way and all advantages
needed
Wrong verb form
need
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 to be promoted.

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task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of funding for both education and recreation. However, it lacks a clear stance on whether the government should spend more on education than on recreation and sports. Make sure to clearly state your position and directly address the question in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a reasonable organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is a need for stronger connections between ideas and more cohesive transitions to improve the overall coherence.
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