Government should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays it is constantly argued that more money should be allocated for educational purposes
instead
Linking Words
of recreation and play. From my perspective, I agree that these aspects are equally important and the expenditure should be evenly distributed to them.
This
Linking Words
essay will analyze them with a conclusion. On the one hand, it is inevitable that responsible governments fund general education and allocate money for constructing academies for several reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, allocating budgets for building schools in suburban areas will encourage many young learners to go to the institutes.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Sri
Lanka
Add a comma
Lanka,
show examples
there are so many countryside institutions which have few amenities for teaching and learning
whereas
Linking Words
some organizations have helped those academies improve their facilities. From that positive effect, every child can learn in educational institutes without any squalls.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if the growing number of schools are subsidized by the governments many children can get an opportunity not only to learn but
also
Linking Words
to finish and even tend to pursue tertiary education.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some funds that have been put into play and recreational activities
also
Linking Words
show a positive impact on society in general.
Firstly
Linking Words
, funding for art programs plays a vital role in enhancing the public conscience of an issue, and if the authorities fund art exhibitions, historical-cultural programs, and traditional arts, the young generation
also
Linking Words
can learn and preserve them
as well as
Linking Words
show a considerable role in one nation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if the governess put efforts
to enhance
Change preposition
into enhancing
show examples
the infrastructure of the sports, the players can win the whole world with their acute sports abilities and it would be a great lure to the country.
For example
Linking Words
, in India and Australia funds are given to the cricketers and they have many stadiums with more facilities. So they have a good outlook towards Cricket.
To conclude
Linking Words
, public funding should be equivalently sponsored in both fields, sports and education because each of them
act
Verb problem
plays
show examples
a pivotal role and
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
society in a different way and all advantages
needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
to be promoted.
Submitted by piyumi545rashika on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of funding for both education and recreation. However, it lacks a clear stance on whether the government should spend more on education than on recreation and sports. Make sure to clearly state your position and directly address the question in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a reasonable organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, there is a need for stronger connections between ideas and more cohesive transitions to improve the overall coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: