IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year,2016.

the pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year,2016.
#amount #money #children #charity #usa #year
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This
Linking Words
 chart illustrates the information regarding the amount of
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
 that pupil's
charity
Use synonyms
 located in the United States of America
Revenue
Use synonyms
 sources and Expenditures in one year,2016.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
donation
Correct article usage
the donation
show examples
 is
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
show examples
 higher than the expenses.
However
Linking Words
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 received lesser donated food rather than the expenditures of program services. It is evident from the pie chart that Community Contributions of donated food in
revenue
Use synonyms
 sources was 10.4%.
Additionally
Linking Words
 donated food received by children's
charity
Use synonyms
 of Program
Revenue
Use synonyms
 was 2.2%.Weather Investment Income
as well as
Linking Words
 Government Grants donated 0.2%
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learner's
charity
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,Other Income was in
charity
Use synonyms
 0.4% as
total
Change the article
a total
the total
show examples
 number of
revenue
Use synonyms
 sources
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 $53,561,580 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 expenses of pupil
charity
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 Fundraising expenditure
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 2.6%.
However
Linking Words
,Management and General Expenditure expenses in the children's
charity
Use synonyms
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 1.6%
Add the comma(s)
, as well as the total number of expenditure in the children's charity,
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 the total
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
expenditure in the children's
charity
Use synonyms
 was $53,224,896.
Submitted by sharma1997.rahulthakur on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words charity, revenue with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • donations
  • grants
  • fundraising events
  • expenditure
  • administration costs
  • program expenses
  • direct benefits
  • indirect benefits
  • underprivileged children
  • education
  • healthcare
  • shelter
  • nourishment
  • medical treatments
  • basic needs
  • financial sustainability
  • transparency
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