IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many parents believe that children should attend extra classes after school hours while some disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is every
parents
Change noun form
parent's
show examples
 dream to see their
children
Use synonyms
 excel in their academics, and
therefore
Linking Words
 some parents resort to having their
children
Use synonyms
 attend
classes
Use synonyms
 after
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 seems to be a solution
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those students who are slow
learners
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 could be helpful in helping these
learners
Use synonyms
 revise their work.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the other hand
this
Linking Words
 could be exhausting to the
children
Use synonyms
, and there will be no time for other extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
 I believe allowing time for extra
classes
Use synonyms
 after
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 could bring more harm than good.
Firstly
Linking Words
, having extra
classes
Use synonyms
 after
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 could be beneficial to those students who
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 gifted academically,
such
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 struggle
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 with their
school
Use synonyms
 work, and
therefore
Linking Words
 adding two or three
hours
Use synonyms
 a day could go a long way in helping address the areas they are struggling with.
In addition
Linking Words
, these extra
classes
Use synonyms
 could help the
learners
Use synonyms
 to revise and review the topics taught throughout the day
this
Linking Words
 is vital, as they help in retaining the knowledge gained.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are some boarding schools
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 allow
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
learners
Use synonyms
 to attend
classes
Use synonyms
 after
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 is seen especially in those in secondary schools.
However
Linking Words
, having extra
hours
Use synonyms
 of
classes
Use synonyms
 way after
school
Use synonyms
 could leave the
children
Use synonyms
 exhausted,
this
Linking Words
 is because
children
Use synonyms
's concentration levels tend to decline throughout the day,
consequently
Linking Words
 increasing their stress levels
causing
Correct word choice
and causing
show examples
 anxiety, in the
end
Add the comma(s)
,end
show examples
 cause more harm than good.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there will be no time for extracurricular
activities
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as sports or social clubs. These
activities
Use synonyms
allows
Change the verb form
allow
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to relax their minds, interact with their peers, and
also
Linking Words
 help them to be physically fit, social clubs help to cultivate basic skills
such
Linking Words
 as communication. Educationists have stated that incorporating creative
activities
Use synonyms
 help students become better
learners
Use synonyms
, and increase their concentration levels,
therefore
Linking Words
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 better
learners
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 having extra
classes
Use synonyms
 after
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 could be beneficial, caution should be taken not to neglect
other facet
Change the wording
another facet
other facets
show examples
 of education which are essential for the
overall
Linking Words
 development of
children
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: