some people say that it is responsibility of the individual to save money for their own care after they retire. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the present world, folks have started planning an early

retirement

. Many nations do not provide any

retirement

plans to their citizens despite having a high

tax

rate on all commodities. I completely disagree with the argument that it is an individual's own responsibility to have savings to take care of themselves after

retirement

Firstly

, from the time a

person

is born, he has to pay service on everything he purchases.

For instance

, if a

person

is going out for a meal, he pays

tax

on transit and food.

This

is just a basic example of how society has to pay the government for its every activity. Even if a

person

decides to cook a meal by himself, he has to pay a

tax

on the groceries. If everything for the government is being paid by the communities,

then

there should be an age limit after which the official agencies start paying society back in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

term

Fix the agreement mistake

terms

show examples

of a

retirement

plan.

Secondly

, official agencies take a major chunk of a

person

's salary every year. It feels senseless to common people to first have a huge part of their income taken away and

then

again have to pay for everything they purchase.

For example

, in Canada, almost 40 per cent of income gets deducted as

tax

every year, where almost all commodities are provided by private incorporations. Paying large money for their complete life and not getting any breaks is depressing.

Finally

, as I mentioned above, a

person

who keeps paying the government his whole life, no matter what financial condition he is in, deserves a break in his life. So, every nation should have a

retirement

plan, that would help society to live their

last

years peacefully.

Submitted by kunwar81145vats on Fri Feb 17 2023

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task response

Task Achievement: The response provides relevant arguments against the idea that it is an individual's responsibility to save for retirement. However, some points lack development, and the essay does not fully address all aspects of the topic.

coherence cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a generally logical structure and presents a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the development of supporting points is somewhat weak, and the use of examples is not fully effective in enhancing clarity and coherence.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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