IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
Many
people
 think that we cannot help each one who needs help and we should worry about problems in our own territory. I disagree with
this
 sight because I think that we should have to help many as possible.
Firstly
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think helping
people
 in need is a special quality of every population. Assistance is given not only to
people
 close or familiar to us
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 to
people
 who are not familiar.
For example
, in every country, despite their wealth, there are
people
 who need something.
This
 can be on the financial side or material.
People
 who have no roof over their heads should provide
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with homes, and I believe that it is their duty to provide their
people
 with the requirements. If we take another example , the
people
 of Turkey now need financial support, and other countries, including Uzbekistan, Russia, Ukraine, Portugal and others, help, wherever possible, who support clothes, food and someone from the financial side. I think
this
 is a worthy decision not only for every person but for every
people
.
On the other hand
, I believe assistance does not choose to help a friend or an enemy, take the same case of an earthquake in Syria. I have not seen a single
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 who helped them in
such
 a difficult period of their lives, but despite the fact that the
people
 of Syria have helped Turkey on the financial side of the poor situation. I was admired for their support, and it was about the fact that a person in what
fortunes
Fix the agreement mistake
fortune
show examples
 was not supposed to help others who had the worst condition. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can say that it is impossible to help all at the same time, but if possible we should provide our assistance
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: