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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many working people get little or no exercie either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercie #time #health #exercise
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In a modernised society, many people struggle to exercise during a working day or in their free time.
This
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 occurs several health issues in public. There are many possible reasons for
this
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.
Firstly
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, I reckon that one of the big reasons is the toxic work environment.
For example
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, in South Korea, lots of workers suffer from overworking and night shifts. Especially, employees at the office. Hours of inactive work decrease their general energy to get active. Plus, social attitudes about physical activities should get better. I remember when I was in a public school, teachers encouraged students to study more, even though it was a P.E. class. Not only teachers but generally the older generation treated workouts as something dumb boys or future
sports
Use synonyms
 stars would do. That way of approach to
sports
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 made me grow into an inactive adult.
However
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, I recently watched an animation about high school boys in a basketball club. Watching people get active quickly encouraged me to start working out. Recently, I started spending time on basketball. Small things like
this
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 can change someone's mind about exercise. The solution can be a lot more simple than expected. I suggest governments do a campaign for public health awareness.
Instead
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 of the elite
sports
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 culture, common
sports
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 should be recommended. Governments can invest in making the quality of public fitness centres better.
Furthermore
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, the law about the work environment should get developed. Currently, employees are constantly having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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burnout. When they are overwhelmed, we can not expect them to do any type of activity. Authorities should enforce the rights of employees to better the quality of their life in general.
Submitted by lylajeehyunkim on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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