IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the best way to discourage smoking is to make smoking illegal in public places. Other people say that this is not enough and other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #places #measures
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The number of
people
Use synonyms
 smoking worldwide has significantly increased in recent years.
Although
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 many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that making smoking illegal and banning it in public areas are the most effective ways of making
people
Use synonyms
 quit smoking,others argue that other measures are necessary.In
this
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 ,essay
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both views and will state why I think there is more to be done in order to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to stop smoking. Those
people
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 who think,that making smoking illegal and banning smoking in public areas will decrease the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of smokers believe, that
people
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 will stop smoking for fear of getting caught.
For example
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, they will avoid smoking if they know that they will be fined or even more ,arrested .
In addition
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,if smoking becomes forbidden by law
people
Use synonyms
 won't have access to cigarettes anymore.
For instance
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, cigarettes will not be sold in shops as they will be illegal.
Therefore
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 the number of smokers will drop relatively soon.
On the other hand
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, the other group of
people
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 suggest ,that government should address the root of the problem and focus on educating
people
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 about the dangers of smoking. They believe, that the government should provide different programs to educate children from a very early age.
For instance
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, teaching children about the harms of smoking can become part of the curriculum .If children learn about the harmful effects of smoking ,
this
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 might discourage them from starting to smoke when they are adults. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
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 believe that banning smoking in public areas and making smoking illegal is the most effective way to help
people
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 stop smoking, I agree with the second opinion and think, that smoking a problem should be solved by addressing its root and educating
people
Use synonyms
 about the dangers of smoking.
Submitted by  Niamh Gal on

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example
Work on providing more specific examples for your arguments to add depth to your essay.
grammar
Pay attention to proper punctuation and grammar to enhance readability and professionalism.
cohesion
Smoothly transition between ideas to improve the flow of the essay.
structure
A clear and concise introduction and conclusion are present, outlining the main points effectively.
task responsiveness
Your essay covers both views and presents a well-stated opinion, which demonstrates good task achievement.
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