IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#university #education #job #hand #people #skills
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are different attitudes towards the best approach to gaining a better
job
 position among other applicants.
While
 some people believe that obtaining a qualification from a university is the most significant factor in
this
 regard, others argue that developing soft
skills
 and having relevant experience play a vital role in receiving a better offer. In my opinion, all these matters differ from one
job
 position to another. On one hand, it is worth mentioning the importance of a university degree in many professional fields. If you look at most of the well-paid
job
 advertisements in various applications or websites, the minimum requirement for applying for these positions is having relevant university-certified qualifications.
For example
, to become a successful lawyer or doctor, one should study at a prestigious university and obtain the necessary certification.
Moreover
, many educational institutions provide their students with appropriate apprenticeships after graduation,offering valuable insights into career prospects and the work environment.
On the other hand
, having relevant experience in a real-world environment can help candidates develop essential personality traits
such
 as strong interpersonal
skills
, leadership
skills
 and the ability to work efficiently in a team.
For instance
, when applying for a place in sales, marketing or customer service departments in a business company, the human resource manager typically looks for a resume with related experiences rather than just higher education certifications. In conclusion, the controversial debate about the crucial factor in securing the best
job
 opportunity continues. In my perspective, the value of an educational degree versus soft
skills
 largely depends on the type of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profession and the employer’s circumstances at the time of applying for employment opportunities.
Submitted by maede.shabani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To further improve, consider integrating a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
While your essay thoroughly covers the topic, deeper analysis or more nuanced examples could add additional depth to your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a well-balanced discussion on the importance of both university education and work experience, effectively addressing the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have successfully structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a conclusion that also includes your opinion, enhancing both coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: