some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #support #aid #organizations #attention #celebrities

It is often reported that

celebrities

provide essential

support

for international aid

organizations

While

some people believe that their courageous acts are successful in drawing the attention of the public, others believe that they make global issues less significant. I generally

support

the former view for the following reasons. On one hand, it is certain that the active

support

celebrities

has negligible effects on international aid

organizations

For example

, a movement called "bucket" which was first initiated by a famous actress in the U.S. is able to collect funds of millions of dollars to help those who suffer from serious illness and malnutrition around the world.

Furthermore

, the movement gains instant attention as the video she posted on Twitter encouraged them to spread at an accelerating speed.

Therefore

, it leads not only to growing financial

support

but

also

increasing awareness toward global issues

such

as AIDS and war.

On the other hand

, the act of famous people helping international

organizations

potentially underestimates global issues. Indeed, their reports to highlight the devastating effects of war seem less urgent when wealthy stars wear fancy clothing themselves.

In other words

, they only promote their own personal image with humanitarian acts rather than lead to the prevalence of understanding of the unfortunate situations.

Thus

, the advantages that

celebrities

gain will increase but the real pain and struggles of locals remain unrevealed to the world. In conclusion,

celebrities

' acts to help

organizations

have a surprising effect on the public.

However

, they often gain positive feedback to their own advantage and do not always accomplish the true purpose.

Submitted by mizuho_kondo117 on Sun Feb 19 2023

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

8.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

endorse
international aid organizations
public awareness
amplify
advocacy
systemic change
oversimplification
trivialization
undermining
severity
misinformed advocacy
distorts
hamper
guided by experts
constructive
strategically

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some people believe famous people's support towards international aid organizations draws the attention to problems, while others think celebrities make the problems less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that music should be taught in schools, while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. Discuss both views and your opinion.

Women are better at childcare than men therefore they should focus more on raising children and less on their working life. To what extents do you agree or disagree with this statement?

we cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Manufacturing process of making sugar from sugar scane