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Band 5.5

It is better for students to live away from home while studying at university than to live with parents.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#students #home #university #parents
Many college students choose to move out of their parental
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 and live in university
accommdation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 or share flats with friends. In my opinion, they can benefit from
this
 option,
although
 their bonding with family may suffer. One benefit of leaving home is that young
people
 can develop independence. Without the support and guidance of
parents
, they should make decisions independently on a wide range of issues,
such
 as the length of the lease, choosing a flatmate and furnishing the flat they rent if necessary. Apart from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 decision-making ability, they
also
 develop a variety of skills, including managing the monthly budget and keeping a house, which can prepare them for challenges in their working lives.
For example
, tidying up the bedroom every day is fundamentally an organisational skill, which is essential when they expect to keep office documents in an orderly fashion and complete routine tasks efficiently when they enter the workforce. Living separately from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
also
 means that young
people
 can enjoy greater freedom in social life and enhance interpersonal skills. They do not need to go home every day and report to
parents
 about their daily activities, so they have more free time to make new friends,
such
 as joining some clubs, going to the gym, attending parties and even taking up a part-time job. They can sharpen their social skills by conversing with
people
 from all walks of life in different settings. They can build a network of contacts, which is of value to their career in the future as they have more personal resources to draw upon.
On the other hand
, some young
people
 should be aware that they may have to combat the sense of loneliness when living apart from family. They may not be able to eat meals with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 every day to enjoy
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bonding with family and solicit advice when they experience difficulties in their education. In order to maintain a sense of independence, some students may choose to hide their feelings even when they cannot cope with challenges alone. They will stay aloof from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 after graduation, as they do not see the value in maintaining close contact with family.
To sum up
, I agree with the idea of living independently when young
people
 start university, despite the possible impact on family life.
Submitted by sy19981224 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • social networks
  • time management
  • budgeting skills
  • homesickness
  • financial costs
  • emotional support
  • alleviate stress
  • household responsibilities
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