IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The bar chart gives information about the number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart gives information about the number of car journeys into the city centre made by residents and non-residents. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #information #car #journeys #city #centre #residents #non-residents #summarise #features #comparisons
The bar graph displays
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 about the
number
 of
car
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 into the central city made by
residents
 and non-
residents
 from 1998 to 2005. Generally, the greatest
number
 of
car
 journeys
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
residents
 saw a slight
grow
Replace the word
growth
show examples
,
while
 in the next periods witnessed a significant decrease.
Moreover
, the biggest
number
 of
car
 trips in the first periods showed a gradual increase for years. The
number
 of
car
 tours into the city
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 showed a gradual decline between 1998 and 2000, from almost 10000 to 5000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Residents
,
while
 there was a significant increase in the proportion of
car
 journeys from under 5000 to almost 8000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Non-
Residents
.
On the other hand
, the figure for cars tours presented a gradual decrease between 2001 and 2005, from under 5000 to 4000,
whereas
 the
number
 of
car
 journeys witnessed a significant decline from 8000 to 5000
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 Non-
Residents
simillary
Correct your spelling
similar
 the same with
Residents
 in the
last
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
.
Submitted by muh.yassirullah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, car, residents with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "gradual" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: