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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows thefts per thousand vehicles in four countries between 1990 and 1999.

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The line graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of thefts vehicles in Great Britain,
Sweden
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,
France
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 and
Canada
Use synonyms
 between 1990 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
,in the beginning,
Sweden
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,
France
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 and
Canada
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 had amounts less than 10
thousand
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,
while
Linking Words
 Great Britain had a
number
Use synonyms
 between 15 and 20
thousand
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.
To begin
Linking Words
,the general trends of the three counties were close,
however
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
Sweden
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 and
Canada
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 had a gentle fall,
France
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 started to
rise
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.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,in 1991,
France
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 started to decrease and at the same time,
Sweden
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 became an increasing country.After that year,
France
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 and
Canada
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 continued to fall,
while
Linking Words
Sweden
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 grow from year to year.
However
Linking Words
,in 1993 two outsiders had a change,the
number
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 of thefts started to grow and did apply till 1995 in
France
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 and till 1999 in
Canada
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.
Hence
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
,the leader of these three
Sweden
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rise
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 to 1996 next 2 years the
number
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 of theft was stable,
however
Linking Words
,in 1998 it continued to grow. The leader in theft numbers was Great Britain,which started with almost 20
thousand
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 applying them.At the ,beginning it had a gentle
rise
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 till 1992,after that the
number
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 decreased,
however
Linking Words
, in the next years till 1996 it continued to
rise
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 and in 1996 grew to 20
thousand
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,but in the following years till the,end it carried to fall.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, sweden, france, canada, thousand, rise with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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