IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Once children start school,teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#children #school #teachers #influence #development
Nowadays, Professors and experts are becoming role models for the young generation once they
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 studying
hence
, pupils have an
immerse
Replace the word
immersed
show examples
 impact on the outside world. I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that
teachers
 have more capability to open the eyes of the youngsters in society than
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how they will able to think the reality. Parents are fully aware of how the world works outside the four walls of our own houses, in order for the children to be fully prepared for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society we tend to send them to school.
Teachers
 have a large impact on the students in terms of preparing them for the real world.
Firstly
, pupils are amazed at what the experts will think of life
such
 as politics,environmental problems and financial problems. School is the second home of the children they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most of their time with their
teachers
 and classmates.
Secondly
, In
school
Add a comma
school,
show examples
 students
learned
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 how to be independent by answering their own assignments, solving problems on the blackboard, working in teamwork and expressing their own ideas, In ,addition they can
also
 mingle with their classmates as part of socializing. People tend to forget how important professors are in our lives they are the ones who helped us to be fully equipped and
bolding
Verb problem
bolded
show examples
 us before we fully committed to reality.
To sum up
,
Teachers
 are one of the important formulas that would help students to be better people and become a person they would like to be. ,
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 parents
also
 have an important role in growing up, children need guidance not only outside but most importantly inside the home.
Submitted by miemieperez on

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task response
Develop your ideas more clearly and provide more specific examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your essay in a more organized and coherent manner. Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are clear and that your main points are well supported.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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