Some Children spend a long time each day on their smartphone. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some juveniles spend a long time each day on their smartphone.

This

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is because video streaming apps are highly entertaining but

this

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can cause negative consequences because it can distract them from their personal and family life. Minors love using mobile devices because streaming services have many entertaining videos on demand. They can easily find their favourite shows on the platform by only typing the keywords in the search section.

Moreover

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, video streaming services like YouTube developed with technology enhancement, will give offspring other shows recommendations related to their preferences.

Therefore

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it will end up with smartphone addiction for the young generation. Despite the enjoyment produced by the apps,

this

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essay believes that addiction has many negative impacts on offspring’s personal lives. They will spend almost all their free hour on the screen which means they will lack physical activities

such

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as playing sports and bike riding. Social engagement will be impacted

also

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due to

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they seldom meet their friend in person.

Furthermore

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, the most extreme scenario is the relationship between parents and children will break down. If the negative consequences happen, They will have fewer social skills

such

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as communication, empathy , teamwork and many others. They will

also

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struggle to survive in life

due to

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the lack of value they get from family. In conclusion, It has many negative consequences for children who spend a long time on their smartphones. The parents have to restrict the devices usage as much as possible to prevent instant addiction which can influence the future of the children.

ru.kabiru.biru

Jul 21, 2024

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task achievement

Try to elaborate more on the examples provided to strengthen your argument. For instance, give specific instances of video streaming apps or popular content that attracts children.

coherence cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Connective devices such as 'Moreover', 'Therefore', and 'Furthermore' are sometimes overused; varying them can make the essay more engaging.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction is straightforward and clearly presents the topic and your position on it.

coherence cohesion

You have a logical structure, moving from the cause to the effect of the phenomenon discussed, which is easy to follow.

task achievement

You have addressed both parts of the question: why children spend much time on their smartphones and whether this is a positive or negative development.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

256 words

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Some Children spend a long time each day on their smartphone. Why is this? Is this a positive or negative development?

In some pleces old age is valued, while in other cultures youth is considered more important. discuss both views and give your opinion.

In a number of countries, some people think its is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the past when students did a university degree they tended to study in their own counrty. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

Once children start school, teachers have more influence on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?