IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
Nowadays, the indicator of a famous person is concerning their appearance or financial position rather than their achievements. Some
people
 suppose that it is a negative model for young
people
. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss why I agree with it. On the one hand, teenagers will build up
with
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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mistaken values. They always learn what they see
upon
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on
show examples
 the internet or television. So they will be
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
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 incorrect concepts of
money
 and behaviour. To achieve
this
 purpose, they will do some illegal or unethical
conducts
Fix the agreement mistake
conduct
show examples
.
For example
, juveniles will steal or rob brand shops to get the products that their idols possess.
As a result
, it will have a significant impact on their future and thoughts.
On the other hand
, it influences the relationship
of
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between
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 families. For acting like the celebrities that they follow, young
people
 will buy the brand which the famous person is using. It needs tons of
money
 to aim.
However
, they do not have
ability
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the ability
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 to earn
money
, they can only rely on their parents. If parents cannot offer it, they may use their path for achieving it.
For instance
, young
people
 may secretly take
money
 or credit cards from their parents.
Therefore
, it will break
trust
Add an article
the trust
show examples
 between each other and crack domestic harmony. In conclusion, it is better not to follow
this
 type of person for family and
avoiding
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to avoid
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 crime. Those
people
 should not be the role model
of
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for
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 teenagers because they do not teach any useful things to them
as well as
 leading them to walk
in
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down
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 wrong route.
Submitted by tom593498436 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
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