IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamour #wealth #achievements #sets #people
Nowadays, the indicator of a famous person is concerning their appearance or financial position rather than their achievements. Some
people
 suppose that it is a negative model for young
people
. In
this
 essay, I am going to discuss why I agree with it. On the one hand, teenagers will build up
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mistaken values. They always learn what they see
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet or television. So they will be
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
 incorrect concepts of
money
 and behaviour. To achieve
this
 purpose, they will do some illegal or unethical
conducts
Fix the agreement mistake
conduct
show examples
.
For example
, juveniles will steal or rob brand shops to get the products that their idols possess.
As a result
, it will have a significant impact on their future and thoughts.
On the other hand
, it influences the relationship
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 families. For acting like the celebrities that they follow, young
people
 will buy the brand which the famous person is using. It needs tons of
money
 to aim.
However
, they do not have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to earn
money
, they can only rely on their parents. If parents cannot offer it, they may use their path for achieving it.
For instance
, young
people
 may secretly take
money
 or credit cards from their parents.
Therefore
, it will break
trust
Add an article
the trust
show examples
 between each other and crack domestic harmony. In conclusion, it is better not to follow
this
 type of person for family and
avoiding
Change the verb form
to avoid
show examples
 crime. Those
people
 should not be the role model
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 teenagers because they do not teach any useful things to them
as well as
 leading them to walk
in
Change preposition
down
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong route.
Submitted by tom593498436 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: