IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

There are more new towns being built nowadays. It is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent decades, new towns emerged at a startling pace and
has
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have
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 brought inhabitants great living conditions. To better improve public
health
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 and build up harmonious communities, many
people
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 advocate for increasing public
parks
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 and
sports
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 facilities. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, and I believe it is beneficial to individuals and the
socciety
Correct your spelling
society
 as well.
To begin
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 with,
parks
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 and
sports
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 fields provide local citizens with more opportunities to exercise
thus
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 benefiting
people
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's physical fitness
as well as
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 mental
health
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. It is universally acknowledged that
sports
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 are good for our body's
health
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,
however
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,
people
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 nowadays rarely get time for regular exercise from their busy daily routine,
for example
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, nine-to-five workers and full-time students, some
people
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 even cannot afford to go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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gym every day.
Therefore
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, public infrastructure gives residents free access to maintain a healthy lifestyle with regular exercise.
Moreover
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, relaxing in the
parks
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 can relieve
people
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's stress from work and studies,
thus
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 enhancing their mental
health
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.
In addition
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, public
parks
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 and
sports
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 fields are the perfect places for families to have leisure activities and for communities to hold some special events,
thus
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 strengthening family bonds and enhancing neighbourly relationships.
For instance
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, it may become a beautiful city landscape if some families are having a picnic in the park, couples are holding hands and walking on the pathways, some young men are jogging, and some children are playing a football match. These public facilities are definitely important for individuals and the community.
To conclude
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, public
parks
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 and
sports
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 play a vital role in modern life, especially in emerging towns and cities. Though some
people
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 would argue that money should be spent on other infrastructures
such
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 as public transportation, I still believe reasonable governmental investment in
such
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 public facilities will bring advantageous effects to all citizens and the society as a whole.

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General
Your essay is strong and well-structured. However, further elaborating some examples could make your points even more persuasive.
Task Achievement
Consider addressing possible counterarguments more thoroughly to strengthen your position.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, which makes it easy to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
You provide strong main points that directly address the prompt, supported by relevant examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public parks
  • sports facilities
  • shopping centres
  • free time
  • well-being
  • physical exercise
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • sense of community
  • consumerism
  • green spaces
  • health and well-being
  • attractive
  • environment
  • air quality
  • biodiversity
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