IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
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There is a view about less working duration in a week is better for
employees
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 and weekend should be longer.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that a shorter working week benefits
employees
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 and employers.
This
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 is caused by tiredness makes employee use their
time
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 unproductively and
happiness
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 will increase their
performance
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.
Firstly
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, if
employees
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 feel tired, they tend to do unproductive things. By
this
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 I mean tiredness usually leads to loss of concentration.
Therefore
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, they are likely to leave their
work
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 and do something else unrelated to the
work
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.
For example
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, many workers in Indonesia have a habit that they tend to have a chat with others about other things for 1-2
hours
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 before they clock out when they feel tired.
However
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, these unproductive
hours
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 can be just eliminated by shortening the working
hours
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,
hence
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 the
employees
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 will have more free
time
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 and the employer does not need to pay them for those unnecessary
hours
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.
Secondly
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, the
happiness
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 level of
employees
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 will determine their
performance
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. To be more precise, workers who have more free
time
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 to have fun will increase their
happiness
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 level and
this
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 leads to them being willing to
work
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 harder makes them have better
performance
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.
For instance
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, some high-earning companies in the United States have less working
time
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 by 2
hours
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 for their
employees
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 compared to the usual 9 to 5 working
hours
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.
As a result
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, they are happy to
work
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 harder and use their
time
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 productively
instead
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 of complaining about long working
hours
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 and procrastinating their tasks.
Therefore
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, the company’s productivity increases a lot. In conclusion, tiredness will lead to unproductive
hours
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 and the
happiness
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 level of
employees
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 determines their
performance
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, it should be better to extend
weekend
Add an article
the weekend
show examples
 duration and shorten the working week.
Submitted by kelly on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to maintain parallel structure in sentences for precision and fluency.
coherence cohesion
Use varied sentence structures to make the essay more engaging and demonstrate language range.
task achievement
Make sure to eliminate minor grammatical and syntactical errors, such as subject-verb agreements and article usage.
task achievement
Strengthen the use of examples by making them more specific and relevant to global contexts, not just focusing on one country.
coherence cohesion
You presented a clear introduction and conclusion which aligns well with the argument.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph discusses one clear point related to the main argument and maintains a logical flow.
task achievement
The ideas are comprehensive and relevant to the topic, providing a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You included real-world examples which help to contextualize your points, making the argument stronger.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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