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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the results of a survey of adult education. The first chart shows the reasons why adults decide to study. The pie chart shows how people think the costs of adult education should be shared.

#show #results #survey #adult #education #first #adults #study #people #costs
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The line graph demonstrates why
adults
Use synonyms
 decide to study and the pie chart illustrates how should be shared costs of
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 for
adults
Use synonyms
.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, 40 % of
adults
Use synonyms
 are getting
Use synonyms
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 for their interest in
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
. Almost the same percentage which is 38%
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to get educated to gain qualifications. Some
adults
Use synonyms
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 for
education
Use synonyms
 to improve
prospects
Correct pronoun usage
their prospects
show examples
 of promotion and enjoy learning/studying. These
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
adults
Use synonyms
 are having the same percentages in the line graph for each 20%. 22% of
people
Use synonyms
 are going to
education
Use synonyms
 for helpful for current job. When you take a look at the graph 12% of
people
Use synonyms
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to get
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 because of
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 able to change jobs.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least 9% of
adults
Use synonyms
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to school to meet
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new
people
Use synonyms
. In the pie
chart
Add a comma
,chart
show examples
 40% of
people
Use synonyms
 are paying for their
education
Use synonyms
 by themselves. Just
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 bit under that 35% of
adults
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 getting paid by their
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 for their
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
. And
Linking Words
lastly
Add a comma
,lastly
show examples
 25% of
people
Use synonyms
’s
taxpayer
Fix the agreement mistake
taxpayers
show examples
 are paying for them
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eduction’s
Change noun form
eduction
show examples
 costs.
Submitted by sezginmelda on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words adults, education, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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