Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

There is no doubt that these days the
music
industry controls the world ,especially the youth you can find them listening to it in every place. The question is how could
music
bring people of different cultures and ages together? In
this
essay, I am going to show to what extent I agree with
this
view. In terms of the positive side,
music
had brought many various communities from other countries together.
For example
, I am super interested in the k-pop industry it is one of these
music
types that had a lot of
growing
Replace the word
growth
show examples
in the
last
decades
furthermore
, we can say that it has several benefits. The main reason given to support
this
claim is that it could make someone English listen to
music
in Korean or the opposite
in addition
to
attract
Wrong verb form
attracting
show examples
them to their culture. To illustrate, that could contribute to
spread
Wrong verb form
spreading
show examples
this
culture to other societies and
also
it is a way to convey the feelings in musical side
lastly
,
besides
reinforcing the government income.
In other
words
Add a comma
,words
show examples
music
unites humans from all around the world. In conclusion,
although
there are some people who can disagree with
this
thought they can not deny
music
has the ability to bring us joy and comfort or calm our worries , the recent
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
said that
music
has been scientifically proven to have a
powerful
Replace the word
power
show examples
in the on the brain and help it relax.
This
is where I can say that I completely agree with
this
view and
also
believe that we can betterment the entire world with it.
Submitted by smmoe289 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
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